In this first in a series, this week`s first Call Centre of the week actually gets a thumbs up.
I recently had neglected to realise that I had two breakdown recovery services, and as the money for both had gone out from my account, I attempted the futile task of listening to Vivaldi, and gearing myself up for the onslaught that normally occurs, which of course it did.
I was told that I had missed my cooling off period, and the membership would have to stand for a full year.
However, the money was swiftly moved back into my account, and the membership cancelled, when I informed them that every time my shoe falls off, when I am walking, I will ring for urgent assistance.
I kind of regret staying with the yellow vanned brigade now, these people had a sense of humour.

I can spot the indian call centres because they always mispronounce my surname. (Having lived in Gravesend for many years I am familiar with how Indians do this)

It's quite good fun telling them they're overseas, they get rather confused. There must be some policy to pretend they're local.

...er ...actualy if that is good fun I think I should go out more

I sympathise Zoo.
My name and address over the phone, and indeed the postcode has to be heard to be believed, every line of it, even the postcode, are completely inchorent even to local people whilst on the telephone.
I shall re-iterate a story, which is absolutely true, of an agent friend who hates call centres, to the degree, that he now ENJOYS abusing them when they ring,and the cold sale calls. In this case it was a Scottish accent, and as he is a Scot,and there is no accentism in this post , so you can carry on reading.
I listened and laughed with his family as he ripped the call centre apart, without expletives, but he did have fun performing the whole stunt to an audience.
They called back five minutes later, after he had ripped them apart, and said "Look, we are a band called Call Centre and we really would like to come down and play for you!"
A really bad name to call your band I think, when you cold call!

Priceless.

Hmmm... well I can't call my band the Police, been done... how about clap-clinic?

"Hello the Clap-Clinic here, is it a convenient time to speak..." at least they wouldn't hang-up straight away

There's a thought there - band names guaranteed to get notice.

zoo "the all lowercase modernist" loo

Gay Jesus

My favourite method of dealing

In my best "I'm afraid I'm going to have to fire you and escort you from the site" voice (which is pretty cold) I ask

"How did you get this number?"

Before they finish

"You shouldn't have this number"

Before they finish

"Inform your supervisor that this number needs to be removed now"

Before they finsh

"This call is recorded. We have you voice. Do not ring again"

then hang up... they're usually pretty hysterical by this stage...

And heres a script from last night from The Bank That Claims it is Not a Trendy Wine Bar.

CC: Could I speak to Mrs Martin please?

Me:I`m afraid not as there isn`t one.

CC:Is that Mr Martin?

Me:No Im not married but you have my partners name correct. Can you speak to me about it as she is in the bath.

CC: I really need to speak to Mrs Martin.

Me: There is no Mrs Martin.

CC:Ok thank you, I will call back later(click)

I actually feel for these people that do this job, it only takes people like us lot being deliberately awkward, and it ruins the script that they have to follow on the screen in front of them.
Another musician friend of mine, lets them go through the whole sales rant, agrees to the product in principle, then announces that he is unemployed.
There is a thread on a neighbouring message board about musicians staying in touch all day on the boards, basically because there is nothing to do until the weekends, perhaps jobs in call centres is the answer.
Your Views don`t do call centres, but if it did, they`d probably be the best call centres in the world;)

There is a telemarketing counter-script www.xs4all.nl/~egbg/counterscript.html

They phon eyou with their crap and your object is to get a recommendation for toothpaste.

Knew a bloke that sold computers. He got a junk-call and responded with "I'm so glad you phoned... we have a special offer on blah blah blah". hehehe

I had a classic trying to spell something to a bloke in a call centre, I got to the letter "s":

Me: S, for sugar.
Him: F, for fugar?
Me: No, S, S for sugar.
Him: OK, F for fugar.
Me: What?! No! What does fugar mean?
Him: I don't know.
Me: That's because it doesn't exist! SUGAR!
Him: Jugar! OK, I've got that, J.
Me: No! Not J! How can J sound like an S?
Him: You said Jugar! OK, I've got it now, F.
Me: Are you taking the p1ss?!
Him: No!
Me: It's S, S for Saturday, Sex... STUPID!
Him: Oh S!
Me: Finally! OK, next letter N for Nanny.
Him: M for Manny?
Me: Forget it, (click).

I kid you not, I wish I could have recorded it.

Can't remember exactly who but there's an old comedy routine with a fellow tryin gto make a call to Mississippi

The oprator asks him to spell it - my fav line is "P as in pneumonia?"