That stupid elastic string they tied chickens up with.

Those yellow boxes at traffic lights. I pulled through one a couple of weeks ago and a stupid man pulled across, blocking one of my ways out so I was trapped in the box. Instant £140 (£65 if you pay quick).

Add hoarders to the list.

The Surrey Mirror sent out a team this week - to purchase 10 standard items - such as bread, milk, dried pasta etc.

With one exception - after visiting 11 supermarkets, over a 2 hour period - all were bought; the exception was loo rolls.

Paracetamol was only available in one supermarket.

Stocks were down on virtually all items - to different degrees, in all outlets.

Those eCaptcha things. 'Tick the boxes with traffic lights'. So you're left to think, 'Do they mean the lights, or the lights and poles and bits sticking out?' And you tick the boxes and then get asked to tick all the boxes with hills in them, most of which appear to have been photographed from a mile away, at twilight, on a very cheap camera, with gauze over the lens.

'We value your privacy - do you accept cookies?' Every single time I use a site I've used for ages. I thought cookies were supposed to recognise you! Also those news sites where the screen freezes until a pop-up video appears, volume full-on, even though I've no interest in looking at it.

A sign of the basic stupidity and laziness that has infected the population these days: someone is at a self-checkout, they get the question on the screen, 'do you want a receipt?' They press for yes, the receipt comes out, and they leave it there. What's the point??

Small bank branches. You're in a long queue. There's only one cashier. Most in the queue are staring at their smart phones. Then when it's their turn, they proceed to ask the cashier multiple questions that they could easily get via their own smart phones! Pure anti-social laziness. These are the kind of pillocks who are now filling their houses with bog rolls and pasta.

Finally, pedestrians. Why do they now walk straight out into the road even though there are cars coming straight at them?? A few years ago, the car would have blown the horn, and the pedestrian would have given an apologetic wave and run off to the other side. Now the car just screeches to a halt and the pedestrian glares at them accusingly and then walks EVEN SLOWER to the other side!

Oh yes Rick; EVERY ONE!

Whey buying petrol at a filling station - I insert my payment card in the machine, beside the till

Saying at the same time, to the assistant - 'could I have a VAT receipt please'

Moments later, on completion of the card transaction - I am invariably asked if I'd like a receipt

I realise that I am alone in this, but I cant bear toilets with the lid down.

Men wee on the seat and then plonk the lid into the puddle.

I really hate having to touch it.
I do it with my foot mostly.

This particular expression - in speech. 'LIKE'


- I didn't know what to say, like

- OMG, I mean like

- She was like you know like

- Megan like, what do you think like

- the Queen like, I think she's great like


Inarticulate, everywhere, meaningless, contagious, like...

Barney wrote:
This particular expression - in speech. 'LIKE'


- I didn't know what to say, like

- OMG, I mean like

- She was like you know like

- Megan like, what do you think like

- the Queen like, I think she's great like


Inarticulate, everywhere, meaningless, contagious, like...





I hate it when people say "I was like..."

People in general just irritate me, especially the cunts who are panic buying.

What irritates me is charity shops whom get their pricing for vinyl on discogs or eBay; despite they don't look at edition or press date's.

Jime Reeves vinyls are not that rare believe me on that.

Constant v loud announcements on trains every 5 mins such as "wait for the train to stop before leaping out" and we are "now approaching X station..," SHUT UP and give me 5 mins peace before the third grunting inspector arrives and grunts.."ticket.." to his valued customer...

Restaurants where they whisk a plate away when others at the table are still eating; just cut to the chase and say: "fuck off now..."

Morons in face masks: unless you have worked out how to breathe without breathong they just make you look like a neurotic tit...

There was a family of four walking towards me on the pavement a few days ago - all sporting typical middle class weekend attire (woman in quilted olive green gilet and washed blue jeans with a crease, bloke in cherry-red corduroy trousers and Cotton Traders casual shirt), mum one side, dad other side, two simpering spoilt brats in the middle. When they got close to me, they just stopped and stared, as if to say, 'Well, come on, then - either step into the road with your back to oncoming traffic or levitate over our heads!' The utterly pointless rudeness of it, the stunning lack of common sense, is, alas, all-too common these days.

It's as if some sort of quasi-Asian fear of 'losing face' has seeped into our culture, so that even really trivial things that impinge on our desire to do exactly what we want to do are treated as terrible challenges to our liberty. 'They want me to slightly change the direction of my walk on the pavement? How dare they! I'm going to defy them!!!'

It's the same in supermarkets - people with trolleys unable to navigate a way past each other without the threat of a stand-off!

Give these people something serious to fight for or against and they can't do it. They've exhausted themselves with these ridiculously silly and prosaic battles.

After being served - in a commercial establishment - I, like most people, say 'thank you'

Irritatingly - when I say this to the bar person in my local pub - the reply is 'that's all right'


Not 'you're welcome'/'thanks' - or something appropriate, rather than condescending...

Supermarket trolleys - yes, another irritation with them, or rather the people who use them: why is it that some straight-backed, able-bodied people, as soon as they put their hands on a trolley, appear to lose all energy and control over their legs, and they sort of slump over the trolley and stagger along with it like some kind of walking aid? Then as soon as they're finished, they walk off perfectly normally again. Weird. And when you're behind one of these idiots they cause chaos, because they're swerving all over the place!

Also, people who stand staring at something on a shelf whilst holding their trolley as far away from them as possible, thus stopping anyone else from reaching the shelves - so selfish! Or the mums who stop in an aisle, alongside each other, for a good old natter, with their trolleys blocking everyone else from getting past them. They'll glance up occasionally and see the effect they're having, but carry on regardless.

Barney wrote:
After being served - in a commercial establishment - I, like most people, say 'thank you'

Irritatingly - when I say this to the bar person in my local pub - the reply is 'that's all right'


Not 'you're welcome'/'thanks' - or something appropriate, rather than condescending...




All of those are better than "No problem". I want to ask them why it would be a problem when it is their job to wait/ serve, whatever.

Rick wrote:
There was a family of four walking towards me on the pavement a few days ago - all sporting typical middle class weekend attire (woman in quilted olive green gilet and washed blue jeans with a crease, bloke in cherry-red corduroy trousers and Cotton Traders casual shirt), mum one side, dad other side, two simpering spoilt brats in the middle. When they got close to me, they just stopped and stared, as if to say, 'Well, come on, then - either step into the road with your back to oncoming traffic or levitate over our heads!' The utterly pointless rudeness of it, the stunning lack of common sense, is, alas, all-too common these days.

It's as if some sort of quasi-Asian fear of 'losing face' has seeped into our culture, so that even really trivial things that impinge on our desire to do exactly what we want to do are treated as terrible challenges to our liberty. 'They want me to slightly change the direction of my walk on the pavement? How dare they! I'm going to defy them!!!'

It's the same in supermarkets - people with trolleys unable to navigate a way past each other without the threat of a stand-off!

Give these people something serious to fight for or against and they can't do it. They've exhausted themselves with these ridiculously silly and prosaic battles.

The family weren't from Wiltshire or Dorset were they?

Honey wrote:
All of those are better than "No problem". I want to ask them why it would be a problem when it is their job to wait/ serve, whatever.


Yes Honey - we're only giving them our money! But bar staff are the worst.


'Yawl right dare' is asking what you want to buy; 'Ass' - a South African barman enquiring if you require ice; 'Antinelse' - do you wish to procure another item.

'Fruit' - would you like lemon, lime (or a banana) in your drink; 'Glassurjug' - should your imbibing utensil have a handle; Cashortap' - would you prefer to pay in cash, or by credit card.


Then on your departure - if the bar person isn't talking to his colleague again - the farewell ritual includes a nod, and the utterance 'Yoff'...

It's an odd thing. My hearing, in general, seems fine. But when I'm in a a pub or a supermarket and someone at the till says something, I rarely know what they're saying. I don't know if they mumble or I have supermarket-specific deafness.

Yesterday this bloke said what sounded like, 'Mmbbbberrrraaaahh'. So I said, 'Er, I beg your pardon?' After two attempts, it turned out he'd said, 'I've seen you in our other branch'. I was embarrassed, partly because it had taken several goes to establish what he was saying, and partly because I didn't really know how to respond except to say, 'Er, oh, er, yes'. Then he looks at me as though I'm a bit eccentric!

Pubs: what irritates me about them is how some people - usually blokes, and usually students - order stuff and then just carry on standing at the bar, usually five or six side by side, so you're reduced to trying to shout orders over their shoulders. Why don't they just go off and sit down somewhere? Instead they cause chaos at the bar.

When you go through the checkout in supermarkets the assistants ask if you are "ok". which I eventually worked out means "do you want a bag?"
Why not just say "Do you want a bag?" Why the code? They will be talking in Polari any day now!

People who step off an escalator and immediately stop and look around to see where they need to go, oblivious to the mangled bodies piling up behind them.

People (usually elderly women)who, after being served in what passes for a Post Office these days, seem incapable of moving to one side to let the next person be served and instead faff around with their purse, glasses,bus pass, stamps and bill payment receipts in front of the increasingly-bored-looking Post Office person. No-one is allowed to say anything because they are elderly, even though it irritates the organised and considerate elderly who are next in line.

People who let their children stand in supermarket trolleys with their shitty and phlegmy shoes on where the next person has to put their food. Cue the outraged offenders stating that the trolley handle is more germ-laden. That may be so but you have to push a trolley. Standing your child in it is a choice that is inconsiderate of other people.

Meaningless signs that welcome 'well-behaved' dogs as everyone thinks their dog is well behaved, even those whose dog is likely to rip a child's face off.

People in Aldi who have no idea what the packing bench is for and who faff around packing the stuff slowly into the bags that it has just taken them five minutes to retrieve from their pockets.

When getting on a train a solo passenger sits on the outside seat of an airline style seat in a deliberate attempt to have two seats to themselves, knowing that anyone has to steal themselves to ask to sit on the window seat next to them. This is pure rudeness and greed, particularly when the train is busy.

Ah Robbie I always do this but it's because I have long legs that need to stretch out into the space.