bloke goes to the doctor and says "doctor I have some lettuce coming out of my arse"
doc says "I need to have a look at that, drop your trousers"
the doc has a look tuts, and says "it's worse than it looks"
"why?" says the man
"well it's just the tip of the iceberg!"

**NO SPEAKAH DE ENGLISH**
A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first,but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:
"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly."In this country . . we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man."Who talkin' abouta sex? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell "Mississippi'."

A woman was very distraught over the fact that she had
not had a date or any sex for over 5 years. She was
afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to seek
the medical expertise of the well known Chinese sex therapist, Dr.
Chang. Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said, "OK, take off
all
your crose." The woman did as she was told. "Now, get down and craw
reery reery fass to odderside of room." Again, the woman did as she was
instructed Dr. Chang then said, "OK, now craw reery, reery fass
back to me."
As she did, Dr. Chang shook his head slowly. "Your
probrem vewy bad. You haf Ed Zachary Disease. Worse case I ever see. Dat
why you not haf sex or dates." The woman asked anxiously, "Oh my God,
Dr. Chang, what is Ed Zachary Disease?"
Dr. Chang sighed deeply and replied, "Ed Zachary
Disease is when your face look Ed Zachary like your ass.