THE SQUIRREL AND THE GRASSHOPPER



REST OF THE WORLD VERSION:



The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter.



The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.



Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.



The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.



THE END



THE BRITISH VERSION:



The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.



The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.



Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.



A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press conference and demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are cold and starving.



The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper; with cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a table laden with food. Picture (Metafile)



The British press inform people that they should be ashamed that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so while others have plenty.



The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper Council of GB demonstrate in front of the squirrel's house.



The BBC, interrupting a cultural festival special from Notting Hill with breaking news, broadcasts a multi cultural choir singing "We Shall Overcome".



Ken Livingstone rants in an interview with Trevor McDonald that the squirrel has gotten rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax hike on the squirrel to make him pay his "fair share"

and increases the charge for squirrels to enter inner London .



In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the Economic Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of the summer.



The squirrel's taxes are reassessed. He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders for the work he was doing on his home and an additional fine for contempt when he told the court the grasshopper did not want to work.



The grasshopper is provided with a council house, financial aid to furnish it and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be socially mobile.



The squirrels food is seized and re distributed to the more needy members of society, in this case the grasshopper. Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly imposed retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start building a new home.



The local authority takes over his old home and utilises it as a temporary home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get to Britain as they had to share their country of origin with mice. On arrival they tried to blow up the airport because of Britain 's apparent love of dogs.



The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking Picture (Metafile) and attempt bombing but were immediately released because the police fed them pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody.



Initial moves to then return them to their own country were abandoned because it was feared they would face death by the mice.



The cats devise and start a scam to obtain money from peoples credit cards.



A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the squirrel's food, though Spring is still months away, while the council house he is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain the house. He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate government funding is blamed for the grasshoppers drug illness'.



The cats seek recompense in the British courts for their treatment since arrival in UK .



The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary to get money for his drugs habit. He is imprisoned but released immediately because he has been in custody for a few weeks. He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and supervise him. Within a few weeks he has killed a guine pig in a botched robbery.



A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost