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Home arrow Legal arrow REMORSE - I answer your questions
REMORSE - I answer your questions PDF Print E-mail
Friday, 17 August 2007
The most frequent question I get asked, usually from negative and obscene posters in forums like YouTube, is "how can you never show remorse for your crimes?".

First, let's get one thing clear. I'm innocent of the convictions against me. Even the dimmest questioners must surely understand - you cannot have remorse for something you didn't do. Those who simply cannot grasp that, or who believe that the judicial system gets everything right and the media never lies or exaggerates might as well stop reading now. There is no point in asking you for logical consideration.

Secondly - I must say I really don't understand why "remorse" makes any difference. Even those who committed the crimes they become convicted for - why is remorse vital? If they truly intend never to commit any other crime, why is conforming to social morality so important? I suspect "ordinary people" simply cannot grasp that we all have different moralities, some good, some bad, some (most) a combination of various ingredients. For me, it's vital to obey your own morality - not everybody else's.

A prime example of that is my case. I decided (as a teenager) that I was bi sexual and that relationships depended entirely on the character of my partners and NOT on their genders, colours, religions or anything else. My morality conflicted the social one (at the time ALL gay sex was illegal and then, for my entire adult sex life, illegal for anyone under 21).

My partners agreed with my attitude, accepted it, decided they too wanted to break the existing laws, were mature enough to know what they wanted, discussed it in advance, and enjoyed themselves as I did - except for the few cases which normally ended in hilarity and amusement at our mutual incompatibility.

So - no remorse?

No.

One of the many good things to come out of this entire incident is that I've learned many things and can hopefully pass on my gained wisdom for others genuinely interested in improving the world.

For a start - anticipation of consequences. Sometimes you simply do not think about the future. What will we feel about what we are doing in 20, 30 years time? Will we be pleased or regretful or happy in our memories or guilty?

The drive of lust in those teen and twenty years can provoke us - and our partners - to do things without always thinking about the ramifications further down the line. And the young especially take risks and do stupid things - the older partner must always, at very least, explain those honestly and clearly.

There's nothing wrong with seduction as long as it is responsible. So I have great remorse for the times - very few I hope - when I was not responsible enough.

The age of consent is in many ways a stupid concept. Now sensibly equalised at 16, the fact is that many 18 or 19 year olds - and older - are not able to consent because they do not realise the consequences. Likewise many far younger people are perfectly able to judge what they can and cannot, should or should not do. There are thousands of responsible young mothers who will not and should not ever regret getting pregnant very young whilst there are others who should never have given birth at any age.

Likewise, I had experiences with people who were not able to consent intelligently. Again, never knowingly, never intentionally. But you can cross that line and, again, I regret the times I did.

Especially with us males, sometimes the physical desire overwhelms and contradicts the intellectual and even emotional consideration. And afterwards some are more able to deal with that mistake than others.

Once again, if I erred, I am very sorry for it.

So those are my feelings about regrets and remorse. We can all do things we later wish we hadn't - from accepting a job or driving wrongly or making a bad decision to sexual errors. My approach is - get over it, get on with life, deal with it, move forward. But I can do that with ease. Others may not be equipped with the ability. Especially if their lives develop as unhappy and failed. There is a terrible "BLAME" culture in the world at the moment. Blame someone or something else. It's a nice easy crutch which avoids self assessment. But that doesn't excuse past mistakes.

Yes I do have remorse. But not for things I didn't do.

 
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