Penny Lancaster
Friday, 20 October 2017
I met her for the first time when we stayed in the same hotel this summer - she's married to my old friend Rod and was highly amused when I revealed Rod and I had dined together eight times since the 60s and I had paid every time. Rod, blushing, demanded he paid for dinner that night. I refused. Why break the habit of a Scotstime - oops, I mean lifetime?

Seemed a very nice, very attractive lady, despite being Australian.

I rather like this latest development of reliving past sex experiences. Now it will be models emerging from the woodwork. Recently - actresses. We've had football failures. DJs, music - all translating mild past experiences into new Misery novels.

And why not? Our dear police forces have little else to do and historical allegations are deliciously time consuming, allowing trips abroad, long lunches, weekend breaks, very little actual effort.

I always remember the horrid DCI Marjoram of beastly Surrey Police managing an expenses paid holiday in Sri Lanka in order to scupper my appeal or, to put it officially, to investigate a historical false allegation.

That was before he bungled the Milly Dowler investigation and took early retirement into a luxury mansion in Surrey.

Ah life! What larks.