"YOU WILL BE BELIEVED"!
Saturday, 15 February 2014
"You will be believed". Even after high profile acquittals, senior police officers like to stand on court steps begging false accusers to come forward.

I have a better script for them. "You will be believed if any of the following six men have ever fancied you, groped you, hugged you, called you Darling (or even, in one, more likely, scenario, cunt), no matter how long ago, when you were at school or college or work, wherever. The Prime Minister David Cameron, his Deputy Nick Clegg, Leader of the Opposition Ed Miliband, the head of the MET Bernie Hogan-Howe, Mail Editor Paul Dacre and that fine investigative hack Mark Williams Thomas… if any of these men have ever done or said anything inappropriate - YOU WILL BE BELIEVED".

Now, to be fair, they should add "if you're lying, however, you'll be prosecuted, probably be convicted and sent to prison", but they don't say that now, so let's leave it out. There's no need for them to mention the fortunes earned in media fees for exclusive interviews or the vast sums in compensation; that's obvious - everyone knows about them. And most people are also aware that the reason for the police statement is partly to raise conviction rates, preferably of high profile celebrities, in order to justify budget spend and to get individual promotions.

I think this would be a much more appropriate and effective use of media by police chiefs on those court steps. Virtually every media outlet would carry it (except the Mail) and, as police have told us, publicity only provokes genuine complaints. Quite possibly nobody, male or female, would come forward. And I'm sure those mentioned would not object, since none of them - I stress this - have ever done anything remotely inappropriate and are all looking to find truth and fairness and justice, like Max Clifford did 14 years ago. It would prove, once and for all, that only GENUINELY abused victims complain.

And what a GREAT STORY it would be!