As the Good Ship May goes down with all hands, rats are seen swiftly rushing for the safety of a few floating barrels. Some sing "My Life Will Go On" in a Celine Dion parody. Others hiss "it's because she had no children" as they sink beneath the waves. Dreaded LeadHead has gone, in order to prepare her leadership bid; she has the enormous advantage of being a woman - the only thing that matters these days. It might not prove to be a disadvantage that she's totally useless as long as the Mail supports her. I gather Jeremy Hunt is about to have a sex change as being Trans is very commercially advantageous these days but surgeons cannot find his balls to snip off. Boris the Bull is snorting; so is Ian Drunken Smith but that's a return of his vocal chord problems - he was never called The Quiet Man for nothing. Gove, like a snail, is smearing slime everywhere as he tries to slip off deck. Other women squeal in high voices #MeToo. It's like Alice in Wonderland drawn by Salvador Dali. Or Bosch. Never mind; the only ones who really suffer are us, the British. And nobody cares about us.

In other news, Labour's Tom Watson has been dragged into the "Nick" affair. No surprise there.