Part one;

....You pick up the new "1977" punk compilation cd of 50 tracks, and you realise that you only do not own 3 of them on vinyl...

Next...!

When a younger person calls you "Sir" and it's not part of their job.

(When that happened to me I as already feeling old because earlier the technology of the train's lavatory had confused me.)

When the PM is Brown, and Blair appears to have got off scot free.

You look forward to buying a shed or greenhouse

Nice one Foz.

Or , when you are property hunting, want a penthouse suite, but decide on a bungalow as it`s a safer.(sad but true!)

A young kid walks past with music blaring from their mobile phone and you start tutting about the youth of today....

Why do record producers bother about great sounding records when people just play them though a phone speaker??!!

Mutter, grumble...

Well there are some advantages I suppose.
The nipper asked me how I know so many people in famous bands and was it because I was just an old git?
I replied you will probably be just the same at my age if you fail to put your practice hours in now.

There was a silence,for a while, which has now been followed by a roaring distorted din!

"You must have been alive during the recession."

(This was said to me, I nearly cried)

I recall the three day week well, you can`t imagine things like that these days can you?
And I recall coming home for school hols and the tv shut down very early in the evening for a period.
I also shall never forget the sheer excitement of Radio Luxembourg starting to speak in English at 7 pm in the evening.

The first time any ageism hit me was not exactly like a wet fish hitting me in the face, more like a frozen shark jumping from a hideously long freezer in Iceland(where Mum goes, not the country).

I was just loading the vehicle after a gig when some female punters said goodnight, I enquired if they had had a good time.
"P+++ off you old git!" I was told. Ouch! And I was only 37!

she asks you whether you want a good meal or sex...guess which one you pick.

I was in a restaurant, eyeing up a lovely looking plate of food on a nearby table, when a friend pointed out how attractive the girl eating it was. I hadn't even looked at her.

Suddenly, I realised I was past it.

...your nokia phone goes off in a restuarant and gleefully plays the "nokia tune", as the whole room turns around to laugh at you....