Dear Gareth Southgate; I am available to play for England on Saturday. I shall be attending the game although I fail to see how it can take place. With yourself, all your current squad and all coaches, trainers, medics etc in quarantine until Sunday (if they come today Wednesday), how can it take place? Only ex pats (and temporary ex pats like myself, on holiday in Italy) can be on the field (new arrivals must remain on the Field of Dreams in a hotel). Stupid Covid over reacted to by stupid global governments believing stupid media over hype and stupid gullible members of the Twitterati have decreed this "new variant" from India, which seems to kill nobody and hospitalise fewer than those getting sepsis from a cut finger, means borders are slamming shut all over the world. I thought Sterling's goal and Kane's fabulous header (I wouldn't go that low for a million quid) were terrific; sosad they will not be available to play on Saturday. Sadly, although I am available, I am, at 76, totally useless at kicking balls and even find walking difficult.
Best wishes,
Jonathan King.

And before those with a fractured sense of humour say "there is special dispensation for players and crew" - I know; but it strikes me as absurd. Why? Infected players are as likely as infected fans (weren't there just a couple? Mount was one). The whole quarantine thing is STUPID just as the whole over hype by media and over reaction by governments and gullibles has been STUPID.

Dear Jonathan King

Thank you for your letter and offer to play for my England team on Saturday evening against Ukraine.

I hate to disappoint but it is currently unlikely that we will require your services. The Government has assured us that no world leaders really believe that Covid is a disease that threatens the fabric of humanity; but they are stuck with this stuff because of the pesky media coverage! As football distracts millions from the fact that when furlough ends they will no longer have jobs - we are, in fact, exempt from quarantine rules.

I would though like to thank you again for your offer of support; you are a great patriot. I am a close reader of King of Hits so thanks also for the advice to play Saka from the start last night - that really paid off.

In the unlikely event that Jordan Pickford and back ups are injured - or all have to isolate because of Covid - I will be in contact to explore the use of you as the starting or a substitute goalkeeper on Saturday night.

I note your age, ball skills and self-described mobility challenges so feel that partnering you with Jack Grealish at the moment would not do your confidence or development much good. Keep up the swimming, though, and who knows for the World Cup!

I hope you enjoy the match. I am off to stroke my beard now.

Best Regards


Gareth Southgate