The sewage falls were born thanks to an exciting collaboration between the Tory government and Northumbrian Water who didn’t bother with sewage treatment because they wanted to pay out £52.5 million in dividends this year.

This is the kind of investment that truly delivers for communities. If we had a nationalised water service like every other country in the world, that dividend money would’ve been wasted on infrastructure and sewage treatment.

Saltburn residents have reported falling sick after clearing up turds that washed into their gardens, and homes have been flooded, but let’s be honest, no one cares because they’re northerners and don’t count as real people. Anyways, I’m sure even primitive northerners will agree their sickness was a worthwhile sacrifice. Where else in the world can you see poo floating down your high street?

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