Another Christmas and I've been thinking about all those who I used to share Christmastime with and can no longer do so with, as the years pass by ever more and those days slip further away I find that the angst I feel about those who have departed this mortal coil is now growing ever stronger with the passing of the years and especially at this time of year. When the new year ticks over yet again they will all be ever further away again.

Would anyone else agree that time isn't quite the healer we think it is.

I think we adapt more than heal. To loss, old age etc'. The Christmases I lived through as a child, so very different to now. The magic died many years hence. But strangely this current adaptation I enjoy. If life is a lot more lonely. I'm so very happy with a brandy, or three, a good book or film a crackling fire, and a warm bed. No excitement whatsoever .lol. but I don't want excitement. I also think I was liberated when I stopped trying to please people. At least I reached 60.If I die tomorrow I'm still luckier than many.

I think you go through varying emotions over the years.

I coped well with ny father's death 40 years ago and my mother's death 20 years ago but now I miss them badly and think of them often.

I've had 2 brothers die, one who was a year older than me and who I was close to but he passed 25 years ago now and I still miss his friendship.

My 10 years older brother who died only 2 years ago from cancer, I'm yet to feel very bad about it but feel terribly sad for his quite extended family of grown children and grand children.

So many pals have died over the decades it's difficult to comprehend what I feel about them.

I think time is a healer in that your perceptions change.

I've discovered this year (as a relative youngster at 52!) that you can be surrounded by family and friends and still feel desolately lonely.

It becomes a "new normal" I miss my grandparents more than my biological parents.

Wyot wrote:
I've discovered this year (as a relative youngster at 52!) that you can be surrounded by family and friends and still feel desolately lonely.

They are company but they don't fill the void of a loving partner.

Wyot wrote:
I've discovered this year (as a relative youngster at 52!) that you can be surrounded by family and friends and still feel desolately lonely.

Thanks for all the very thoughtful comments. This comment is very accurate too.

In the immediate Christmas after my own father passed away 20 years ago at a very young age not much more than I am now, mid fifties, I chose to spend my first ever Christmas period completely alone to myself while the rest of the family went off for Christmas together to do their thing elsewhere. It was my choice. I wasn't sure whether I would regret it or not at the time. I surprised myself by actually enjoying the solitude of that Christmas and the lack of hassle, doing everything on my own terms. I made the Christmas dinner, and plated up three dinners, had one on Christmas Day, the other on Boxing Day and the other on the 27th. It was great, a nice big dinner and didn't have to make it for two days. I think I was alone for 4 days, and I didn't view it negatively.

What it also did was avoid the pain of having that empty seat around the regular family table glaring away.

The most powerful human trait/feeling/sensation (by far) is Guilt.

Grief gets close, but is more controllable/passing; unlike envy, for example.


With guilt - how many times have we all said:- 'how could I have said that to him/her?'

Frequently repeating words (often exactly the same) daily - and nightly....

Al Gershwin wrote:
The most powerful human trait/feeling/sensation (by far) is Guilt.

Grief gets close, but is more controllable/passing; unlike envy, for example.


With guilt - how many times have we all said:- 'how could I have said that to him/her?'

Frequently repeating words (often exactly the same) daily - and nightly....

Wise words and accurate.

Particularly saying the perception of grief changes.

Still I get a bit teary thinking of my wonderfully generous and kind father and wish I spent more time with. It's only happened in recent years.

Perhaps I now think of lost ones because I believe I I have an appointment in the near future with White Lady Funerals.