We've all known for decades that the police take courses in Plod Speke - expressing themselves using obscure words and no expression in order to say nothing and give nothing away. Prime example in today's token Femiplods - waffling with warmth and charm that means nothing about security surrounding the wedding.

But TV presenters are now so expert at this dark art that they can (and will have to) fill hours and days with cliches and rubbish.

The Royal Wedding - and I'm a Monarchist - can be summed up in four words.

Two people get married.