Hi there


Firstly I have never been arrested,charged, interviewed or spoken to by anyone with regards to any form of child abuse or molestation but it would seem that my entire community belives that I am a convicted sex offender !, I am called names ( paedophile etc etc) by strangers when I go out and my neighbours react to me in a very strange way (one of my neighbours children refered to me as the bogeyman the other day when I gave them their ball back that had come into my garden ! ). Other neighbours react to me in a very strange way but dont say anything. This has made me feel very uncomfortable, I no longer go out of the house very often and if I do I feel really uneasy wondering if people are going to start insulting me etc etc. This all started very shortly after my long term partner died of breast cancer and I was left a house and a considerable amount of money in her will, Infact she left everything to me. I have moved home since but these false allegations seem to have followed me to my new home so I am guessing that it is someone who is close to me that is spreading malicious rumours about me and knows that I have moved and my whereabouts. I have asked several close friends about this and they claim that they have heard nothing and do not know what I am going on about and I believe them. I have checked with the local police and made sure that no one has made a complaint about me and they have confirmed that they havent and also confirmed that they heard nothing about me and couldnt help me. I suspect that a member of my own family is spreading these malicious lies about me as she has a habit of making things up but I have absolutley no proof so cant start accussing her directly or taking any action. I have no idea either how these lies are being spread round the community but they obviously are being spread. I am finding this very distressing and have absolutley no idea how to tackle the problem, If you have any thoughts or suggestions on what I should do please leave a comment.

Thanks Evo, you write:

"I am finding this very distressing"

I don't blame you. You have my complete sympathy. I think you are doing the right thing by tentatively reaching out, and would suggest you do so both online and offline to avoid becoming isolated, though that's easier said than done. It's terrible to be a prisoner in your own home.

We are in the midst of a mass paedohysteria. This kind of thing may be more common than you think. What you describe is damnably difficult to deal with. I don't have any advice. I will, however, offer the following thoughts for your consideration.

1. Don't blame yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. In your situation it is almost impossible not to imagine there is.
2. Are you imagining it? Well, people are calling you a paedophile in the street. I would suggest you confront them, firmly, and find out what the heck they're on about. Tell them it's a very serious allegation. Point to the police station and tell them you're all set to go down there with them if they want to make a complaint. Why don't they? If they say anything about you being a paedophile ask them where they got it from.
3. If it's caused by the type of area you live, move. In itself, confronting people probably won't solve much, though it may make some of them back off. It may be that the area you live in is populated by narrow people who need a bogey-man, and you're it. Your bereaved state may have contributed to this, if people mistook it for something else. If you live in a narrow-minded or perhaps very rural community or a tight-knit backwater, I would say this: Have you any idea how big the world is? Liberate yourself. Go somewhere else. That said, I've heard of this sort of thing happening in cities in places like Northern Ireland.
4. If it's family bad-mouthing you, it's difficult to know what to say. How far did you move? Are you sure it's family? I'm not sure what I would do in that case. It may be that the gossip network straddles both your old and new abodes.

Sorry I can't say more.

Best Wishes,
Jim

To be honest it does sound like a paranoid psychosis.

Most single men are regarded by their community as a paedophile these days, but judging from your description, it does seem that perhaps you have had a couple of bad experiences and let it get hold of your mind.

I would suggest you speak to your doctor. If you have spoken to close friends, and the local police, it is unlikely that a rumour could have spread like this without their knowledge.

a difficult problem. I and a group of friends have been subject to false allegations (not sexual) in connection with a church we run.

We tackled it with lawyers but obviously you don;t know who is doing it. It's a vicious and nasty thing to do to people and whoever it is, is a complete lowlife but that doesn't help you.

You know this happened to a friend of mine (false allegations of sexual misconduct) and it was driving him crazy and this is what he did eventually :

he changed his name.
he sold up and moved to somewhere nice but a place where no-one knew him.
he stayed so secret about his location that I didn't even know where he was and also left a false trail. He stayed in contact via mobile phone only and never received visitors from the past...just met up with them for dinner etc.
he stayed like that 5 years and then started letting up but is still paranoid.

It's a terrible thing to do..bear false witness. I'd try and find out who is doing it and as ringing their f**king neck is illegal throw the full weight of the law at them via a lawsuit and bankrupt the bastard.

Apart from this piece of evidence -

Evo wrote:
I am called names ( paedophile etc etc) by strangers when I go out

I can't quite see what your complaint is?

Are you sure that you are not imagining this? Paranoia is self-perpetuating and the more you try and anylyse a situation, the more "evidence" you will find.

If you have been called a paedophile, then you have every right to contact the police and make a formal complaint. People should not live in fear like this.

Don't stay in - in fact quite the reverse - you need to get out more and do new things.

Have you had a word with your Doctor? He may be able to prescribe something to ease fears and tension so you can lead a normal life.

Apart from that ... good luck and best wishes.

Evo - I'm afraid the answer is simple and easy - why bother with what other people think? If they are wrong, who cares? If they are right, who cares also?
Get on with living so that those who know you, like you or love you, stay close and those that don't can get on with their own lives.

It's worked for me. I truly, genuinely do not care what those who don't know me think of me. How else would I have dared to have criticised Live Aid?

Thanks JK, you write:

"why bother with what other people think?"

Agreed. Actually, I think this is first and best piece of advice that should be given.

To Evo, I would suggest keep doing this, ignoring what other people think, right up until they actually do something, like attacking you in the street: something that seriously interferes with your right to life and liberty. Then you are forced to respond.

The police may not do very much, in fact, don't be surprised if they start questioning you as if you are a paedophile.

Others have implied that calling someone a paedophile on the street is an offence. I hadn't thought of that. It may be worth pursuing, but how are you going to know who they are in order to report them, even if it is? Maybe you could argue it causes a reasonable member of the public "harassment, alarm or distress" (Public Order Act, sections 4 or 5, which the police love to use when it suits them). There are cameras all over town centres, but they don't have very high resolution, as I understand it. You could even carry one yourself, even a concealed one. Take a note of time and place and which direction they head off in. Get a description.

But all this is getting very heavy duty. Ignoring them is certainly your first port of call, until they physically do something, like knocking you to the ground with a blow to the head, or beating you up. I have known cases where this has happened and the police have been given ample information and have done nothing discernible.

Best Wishes for 2011,
Jim

you could do what a real "sex offendor" did in the USA.

He got so sick of the insults the neighbours hurled he waited until one was selling up and then put a huge sign in his garden saying

SEX OFFENDER LIVES HERE

and then handed out leaflets on the viewing days.

he only stopped when the person selling agreed to pay him $5000.

the rest got the message.

personally I have no idea who lives next door. Could be an axe murderer for all I care. Or a politician.

Thanks for the advice, I am not imagining the situation it is very real and its like living a nightmare. I cant believe that people can can actually believe these types of rumours when there is not one single shred of evidence to support them, if they actually stopped to think about the allegations and the situation they would realise how ridiculous they where. I think the fact that my partner left me her entire estate in her will has put someones nose out of joint hence the malicious rumours and lies. I live in a city in a very nice area and have already moved once but the rumours seem to have followed me. This has been going on for over 3 years now and I am very very fed up with it

I have even thought of hiring a private detective to see if they could find the source of these malicious lies as I doubt anyone would be straight with me if I confronted them about this. All I know is if I do ever find out who is doing this I will take the idiots to court and sue them for everything they are worth !

The fact that you moved and yet you have still been hit with these sorts of things shows that someone must be directly influencing the people who are calling you names etc.

I suggest you do what Veritas said. Move again and tell not a single person including family. Deal with your family and friends through a PO Box which is a long way from where you live. Only have a mobile and change the number every 6 months.

If the name calling etc then stops completely then you can add people back into your life one at a time every 3 months. It will then become clear WHEN the person who is causing you grief is finally "outed" or whoever knows them.

From what you are saying it sounds organised and it sounds as if it is a person or persons who is doing this.

The only way to stop it when you dont know who it is - is to to move and isolate yourself.

Alternatively you have to ride it out and ignore it like JK says. You know you are not a paedophile - you know they are wrong - so in the end you should just feel sorry for the braindead attitude of anyone who wishes to call a single male a paedophile.

Our society is now in such a mess because of Paedohysteria that people think anyone who is male is now a paedophile. What a sorry state of affairs.

These kind of comments are very hard to ignore especially as they are not true. The whole situation is now making me totally paranoid of everyone its a complete nighmare.

Hi Evo,

Hope you're doing well.

1. How many friends do you really need? About three, maybe? I mean real friends.
2. Do you want as a friend anyone who believes slander without further investigation? I would guess not.
3. People are going to say and think all sorts of things, good and bad, most of them unaccountable. There's nothing you can do about it.

To heck with what other people think.

Physical attack and legal action are problems. Name-calling is not.

STOP WORRYING ABOUT WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK. (excuse the all-caps)

Best Wishes,
Jim